one step forward, ten steps back....that's how i feel today....one moment i felt so strong i can take on the world...alone....and then just when i thought that i will get through all obstacles, another wave of pain hit me again and again....one time stronger than another....
a nonbeliever, but i had been praying daily...it's the only salvation....i don't know what else i can do to stop the pain....i am completely out of control....and i can't even pretend anymore like i used to....somehow i feel like an addict...addicted to inflict pain to myself....
the internet is amazing....i was so desperate that i googled some self help topics....and came upon this....(how pathetic this would normally seem to me....but i really have to learn to get on with my life...one way or another.....) - i am gonna paste it here...to remind myself each time tears threaten to fall...
- how to forget - how to do the right thing -
Cry out everything you have to cry about!
When we get hurt, it's normal (and good) to cry. Don't ever think you're being weak for crying and don't feel embarrassed because of it! It's normal and it's good! When you cry, you let go of part of your anger and hurt so you can feel less heavy. You can lock yourself in a room, if you want to, and put on some sad music...but let yourself feel the pain and cry so you can let it go. The main thing here is: Get rid of the pain! Just let it go!
Get busy! When you're trying to get something out of your head, you need to put other things inside of it. In other words...get busy! It doesn't matter how, you just need to get distracted. Go to a movie, watch a play, travel. It doesn't matter what are you going to do--the important thing is to find something to do. Find a hobby, find something you enjoy doing, something to keep your mind busy.
Avoid getting near what hurts the most! Try not to go to places you store memories. When you're trying to forget it gets hard to confront and be brave. If you can't avoid, just try not to torture yourself thinking irrelevantly. Just be gentle and keep busy all the time so you won't have excuses to let your shields down.
Accept the process! You can be really strong and it's still going to hurt. The process takes time and you have to accept that! You can't hope to forget in 2 days something you loved for years...and you can't pretend to be strong if you feel like crying. Just face your pain and accept that it's not easy and it's going to take some time. When you're patient with yourself and your situation, things tend to get easier...
-step by step i have to do all these.....to be honest with myself...and not allow anymore fantasies....i have to learn to love myself, how to, i dont know.....but i think i have to give myself a chance.......
for now, i can only pray....(maybe God has not forsaken me)...
a nonbeliever, but i had been praying daily...it's the only salvation....i don't know what else i can do to stop the pain....i am completely out of control....and i can't even pretend anymore like i used to....somehow i feel like an addict...addicted to inflict pain to myself....
the internet is amazing....i was so desperate that i googled some self help topics....and came upon this....(how pathetic this would normally seem to me....but i really have to learn to get on with my life...one way or another.....) - i am gonna paste it here...to remind myself each time tears threaten to fall...
- how to forget - how to do the right thing -
Cry out everything you have to cry about!
When we get hurt, it's normal (and good) to cry. Don't ever think you're being weak for crying and don't feel embarrassed because of it! It's normal and it's good! When you cry, you let go of part of your anger and hurt so you can feel less heavy. You can lock yourself in a room, if you want to, and put on some sad music...but let yourself feel the pain and cry so you can let it go. The main thing here is: Get rid of the pain! Just let it go!
Get busy! When you're trying to get something out of your head, you need to put other things inside of it. In other words...get busy! It doesn't matter how, you just need to get distracted. Go to a movie, watch a play, travel. It doesn't matter what are you going to do--the important thing is to find something to do. Find a hobby, find something you enjoy doing, something to keep your mind busy.
Avoid getting near what hurts the most! Try not to go to places you store memories. When you're trying to forget it gets hard to confront and be brave. If you can't avoid, just try not to torture yourself thinking irrelevantly. Just be gentle and keep busy all the time so you won't have excuses to let your shields down.
Accept the process! You can be really strong and it's still going to hurt. The process takes time and you have to accept that! You can't hope to forget in 2 days something you loved for years...and you can't pretend to be strong if you feel like crying. Just face your pain and accept that it's not easy and it's going to take some time. When you're patient with yourself and your situation, things tend to get easier...
-step by step i have to do all these.....to be honest with myself...and not allow anymore fantasies....i have to learn to love myself, how to, i dont know.....but i think i have to give myself a chance.......
for now, i can only pray....(maybe God has not forsaken me)...
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