-everyone leaves-

-thank you-

-gone-

as suddenly as it comes,
the same way it will leave,
just as expected,
leaving a bittersweet sensation...
a sadness...
a deep sense of lost....
never the same again...

-chasing dreams-

date taken: april 2009
by: me

people are gazing,
always amazed by what they can't touch...
the unattainable....
creating an illusion of what's possible...
shhh....don't break the spell...
once you get near.....
the only thing left,
would be your broken heart....

-washed away-

today.....
anger, frustation....
mere exhaustion...

i don't wanna be caught in the middle
but i don't want to let go....
i hate the fact that i love what i want
but do i really want it all?

i have yet to uncover life's mysteries...
but its miseries found me....
sucked me in,
left me dry....

-cracks-

date taken: may 2009
by: me

-cracks-

little by little...
creeping more and more...
it slowly makes its damage...
every little thing you do,
will be marked....small or enormous...
until one day....it swallows you whole...

-your world and mine-

photo taken: april 2009,milano
by: me

as our worlds collide,
for just a split second,
we were connected...

you go your way
and i go mine....
unhinged, unaware
of the accidental crossing of paths...

closer

date taken: may 2009
taken by: me


-lost without you-

springtime....summertime

photo taken: may 2009
model: Rafaelle Cohen
taken by: me

dedicated to spring.....the season for beautiful dreams....

hmmm....spring is almost gonna give way to summer....
everyone here thinks that i am some alien creature that has some serious brain damage....for i cringe at the thought of summer....how could anyone hate summer? who hates summer? me....

it's my second summer here so i guess i haven't embraced the concept well....for the rest of the year....having cool and sometimes cold weather is such a bliss for me....summer comes with the humidity (although not like in Malaysia), the sunburns, the oily face blotting paper, mosquitoes....and the list goes on...

i guess most of all...summer comes with this self consciousness....for i lack the confidence to walk around with shorts....tight tops etc etc....it feels like the Italians waited all year in coats and sweaters....just to finally see summer and reveal the beautiful bodies....i mean...i dont know how they do it, but they do remain skinny and glowing through all winters....not affected by food cravings like i do in winters:)

well...i am lucky i am here in Italy, and not UK or America.....at least here...i am not given the privilege to think that Asians are petite.....the perception of health here is wonderful and looking good (healthily) is such an important part in their lives...well...hopefully i don't return to Malaysia with another 20 kg additional baggage....

hopelessly hopeless

photo taken: april 2009
model: Federica
taken by : me

it's wednesday.....after a hearty meal last night....i got sick....and man, really sick.....didn't make me regret the food though...was extremely delicious...however it cost me one night of rolling around in bed, trying to sleep and shut off the excruciating pain...then when i finally fell asleep, i slept so much that i missed my class this morning.....

this blog has now become my constant companion (so actually to be truthful, 'com-plain-ion').....soon i am sure i will puke in disgust when i reread this....sigh..guess i have this talent to complicate things....it's a good thing i am less like this when i am not writing....or taking photos...

took some pills...continue to roll in bed....though i have to get to work in 2 hours...and have a presentation of my thesis tomorrow...well...i still did not regret that meal:)

a wonderful surprise

date taken: april 2008
torino

due to the lost of so many gb of photos....i am now taking some time to look for scraps, bits and pieces here and there.....what makes me more angry with myself is that i don't exactly know what / how much i have lost....how much is about 50gb of photos? how many hours of sleepless processing? how much memory did i wipe off? sigh.....

on the bright side i found some small sized photos in in my external harddisk (which i think i should also backup...soon...) this is one my favourite...an open gallery at the piazza right in front of the main church....love the ambient of the public spaces in torino...

silent screams

photo taken: may 2009
model: Rafaelle Cohen
photographer: me

trapped....
in a self spun web...
silent screams...
useless struggles....

it's been more than 10 days i didn't post anything...as previous depressing blogs entries, the bottom is really pitch dark....my laptop died....harddisk gone.....tearing away some parts of me....(yes i am one of those stupid fools who still does not practice backup / saving files in a secondary harddisk)...so....nothing else to do but to lick my self inflicted wounds....lost tons of work data....lots of photos....which is really heartbreaking....

now...a clean slate....still trying to reinstall programs...sigh....same old laptop....but seemed completely alien....my ability to adapt to change is really deteriorating...kindda worrying....for i can become so sentimental....all the signs of getting old:(