i had a very disturbing dream....i dreamt that i stood and looked at myself die...maybe its a premonition...or a metaphor to show how badly i am treating myself...
the scary part about all this is not watching myself die....it's about how calm and peaceful it felt, like life is just another step to a more meaningful purpose....
this sets me down to think.....what have i learnt in my life? how did i end up becoming so toxic? why do i feel the need to carry the burden of my past? is it because if i let go, i have nothing else to hang on to?
and then i began to wonder....am i losing parts of myself day by day...because maybe i do enjoy the sense of pain....because probably pain is better than feeling numb and dead....but how long can i go on like this? what if the pain eats and eats and soon there is nothing left?
i will close my eyes now and go back to sleep.....hoping that some answers will come.....
the scary part about all this is not watching myself die....it's about how calm and peaceful it felt, like life is just another step to a more meaningful purpose....
this sets me down to think.....what have i learnt in my life? how did i end up becoming so toxic? why do i feel the need to carry the burden of my past? is it because if i let go, i have nothing else to hang on to?
and then i began to wonder....am i losing parts of myself day by day...because maybe i do enjoy the sense of pain....because probably pain is better than feeling numb and dead....but how long can i go on like this? what if the pain eats and eats and soon there is nothing left?
i will close my eyes now and go back to sleep.....hoping that some answers will come.....
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