-the candy-

date taken : june 2009
location : tuscany, Italy


-my candy of the day-
never failed to cheer me up......hope it has the same effect for you..

-freedom of expression-

date taken : march 2008
location : Karlsruhe, Germany

-cheers-

date taken : june 2009
location : the arena, verona

a memorable, accidental photo from The Killers' concert in the Arena

-smile like you mean it-

date taken: june 2009
location : Borgo (i think), Italy
by: Marco D.

Today i am supposed to be studying for an exam tomorrow....but there i was, from the morning until now it's evening, scrolling through old photos, reading blogs, watching short films.....anything that could take me away from the lecture notes....sigh...i know i will regret this later....

However this photo caught my eyes......i forgot to smile lately, sometimes i even think that i am no longer capable of truly smiling because i was happy....well, we do surprise ourselves sometimes.....

How many times have i smiled politely, so i don't appear rude and cranky? How many times i smiled just to fit in? hmmm....uncountable.....i guess when this photo was taken, for a moment, i was just feeling blessed to be out in a beautiful place, without any thoughts in my mind.....how rare is that? VERY.....

-all burnt out-

date taken : july 2009
location : monaco
by : Marco D.

summer blues.....i am all burnt out,
physically and mentally....
as beautiful as it is here,
i miss home....

but for now, i've got to finish what i've started...
til then,
home is an illusion...
a far fetched dream.

i know i will bitch about it all
i mean,
home's never perfect....
but i kindda crave for a place...
where i fit right in,
for now,
i will be contented..
just to know,
i have a place called home.

-life's too short for ambition-

This post came a couple days late....but better late than never....

Every year during Chinese New Year, Hari Raya, Deepavali.....Independence Day.....one of the many things that i've enjoyed most would be the deep, heart-touching commercials of Yasmin Ahmad (one of the most prominent and honest filmmakers, in my opinion)..her honesty in interpretating each and every little scenarios in life (in Malaysia) , where there is not a tint of filtering to appear like what it's supposed to be, just bold truths.....of how we were brought up....

I shall not write about her achievements.....wikipedia and google have millions of those....i just want to acknowlege this wonderful person, who saw that nothing was too small, too insignificant....

The imperfections of life.......makes it so perfect......

I've always be proud to be brought up in my imperfect country....and now, more than ever, browsing through all her works, big and small.....i feel a deep sense of loss.....we have lost a legend....but her legacy will live on....once again, she made me smile, laugh and shed tears just by rewatching her commercials today....the power of a storyteller....

here's one that made me smile.....(one that reminds us of the time where we were a blank sheer of paper, unpolluted, unprejudiced....... where colors were beautiful....not categories)

-for you my dear friend-

date taken : 2007
model : SalinA Long
location : Johor Bahru, Malaysia


my dear friend,
this one is for you....

great times,
how i long for the simplicity of those days
where we giggled for no reason at all..
good friends are not easy
to find,
harder to keep...
and for this,
i wish you well....

for your wonderful new beginning,
i hope you will be happy always,
especially on your special day...

with lots of love.

-one year ago-

date taken : 2008
location : paris

-eyes don't lie-

date taken : february 2009
location : venice


one day in a year.....
they come out to play
the roles of others
what they could have been
should have been
would have been...
if only....

some were fooled
some were contented
at least for a day
some felt ridiculed
mostly....
all escaped
at least for a day,
the harsh reality
called yesterday and tomorrow...

-we were giants-

date taken : june 2009
location : verona

french or italian?

I seldom do reviews on places that I've been to, however this time around, I felt maybe I should stop being lazy and do so.....well, the main reason is the big contrast and various feelings that was bugging me since my return...

For starters, we visited Torino, not really to see the city but for Beth Ditto's fantastic band, The Gossip. The fact that the gig was at a rather small secluded park, with bad sound and an army of mosquitoes, it was actually really worth it...the band was great, the public transportation was amazingly efficient (unlike most Italian systems)....we got back to the bed & breakfast we booked prior to that, safe and sound though it was way past midnight....

Here are some photos of the B&B, 100% satisfaction.....well...the place is right smacked in the centre of the city, downside was, there was no elevator, but well, the 4 storeys climb was definitely quite worthy (in my opinion). Let the photos do the place justice....it's not the typical homey traditional, old and vintage, typical italian B&B, but it does come with the same friendly caretaker (always smiling, eager to please)

(all photos taken in july 2009 by me)


01 view from the entrance....modern furnishing, clean and sleek...well....maybe a bit gimmicky....but I don't really mind:) (they even had a brand new ipod to be hooked to the tv - everything is for our disposal - what's more to complain about?)

02 the bedroom....a double bed, with an extra bed since we were in 3.... the tv was lovely, and i forgot to take the photo of the bathroom....we had our own personal jacuzzi...(well....Italians do take pride in the size of their bathrooms and the level of hygiene....something i really do appreciate)

03 the kitchen...which is free for us to use...(we didn't but well....at least we had a choice) - breakfast was ready right on time....with the same friendly face, ready for any task ahead...

04 the common space 02 - nice keyboard and musical instruments.....free for us to experiment on (we were too tired to do so...)

06 one satisfied customer:)

We left the next day with big smiles plastered on our faces.....so I felt i should recommend this to whoever is reading...http://www.bedandbreakfasttorino.com/IT/

(I am not paid for it...hahah...in case you are wondering)

Then, we started our roadtrip in the direction of Monaco....well....hot, and really really hot weather made us all very cranky and distressed sometimes......but I really did loved the little French cities we stopped by for lunch and walks......

We got so tired...and frustated also because we still haven't found a place to stay, as we took the trip more likely on impulse...the original plan was to stick to towns around Torino....but the seaside did have it's normal effect on most people..so by following our hearts, i guess we were pretty....homeless.....and tired,we decided it was too expensive to stay in the 'luxurious' Monaco....so we settled for the nearest town....a small French town, called Menton...I guess the people at the tourism office could smell the desperation and we eagerly wagged our tails when the girl at the counter made the reservations to a place called Villa Capucine (sounds fancy, huh?) ....well...how bad could it be? It was midrange, not the cheapest....and seemed to come highly recommended... In the brochure - it says private villa / hotel - 2 stars, with swimming pool and seaview, individual bathroom, breakfast included. hmmm....and the photo on the brochure showed the excellent seaview...of course - it was looking outwards....and we were to tired to even realise that it doesn't say AIR CONDITIONED (being Malaysians, I am guilty of always taking for granted that....certain things are MUSTs in hotels)...

Voila...we got lost...and when we finally found it, we saw that to get to the 'VILLA' we had to climb narrow, steep steps uphill...hmm...the address was number 129, and we began at number 1....hmmm...the consolation was...it's odd numbers only...woohoo! We were sweating like pigs, with our luggages, out of breath...cursing the 31 degrees.....and were so relieved to finally get there.....only to find out that there was a shorter way from the higher part of the hill that was a short cut, directly to the villa...

All that aside...we were greeted warmly by a lovely playful dog, Athena..... and of course, the owner, a French lady....was all apologetic, for the room was not ready...so we gladly sad down at the terrace with the promised seaview, and played with the tireless dog...as the owner rushed around, getting everything ready...

To be honest...I was at fault to be expecting a lot, for I know that the standards of hotels / b&b are different in both countries....but really couldn't conceal my disappointment when i saw the room....the smell was of stale sheets (that had been kept for centuries) - and she prepared the 3rd bed - in the coridor (where all occupants of the 3 rooms need to pass through to access to their rooms or to get to the bathroom). We were travelling in 3, so of course the only guy had to take the doomed bed there.....What actually made me both amazed and a lil angry was that she (the owner - which I regretably forgot her name) was really proud of the makeshift space - for 'it's her granddaughter's bed - which she wanted it to be like a ship)

I don't really wanna sound like a spoilt brat, but...seriously, when i saw our ' private bathroom', I was speechless...It was again a makeshift space (I don't know how it was done), but it was a WC fitted into the storeroom - with no ventilation, no washbasin, just a 80cm x 100cm space - amidst junks, old mattresses etc.

The room - to be honest - had a great view to the ocean...but the other wall.....was actually opennable windows to the shared bathroom (where there are the bidet, shower stall, bathtub and washbasin - without wc) - hmmm..how do we do this.....we use the WC in the store, and then run to the shared bathroom which is accessible from the coridor to use the bidet?)....

07 the promised view ....it really was breathtaking...

08 my room.....i made the mess...of course...too freaking hot, we had to choose - windows open - huge mosquitoes, windows closed - suffocation....of course we chosed to suffocate:)

09 our cute little WC - doesn't it feel like bootcamp?

10 the ship

Well...I was actually ok with all these until she told us a different price from what was shown in the brochure and confirmed at the tourism office.....we were not only paying for more than the B&B in Torino, we were paying more than the price of Best Western Hotel in the same town....and her so called-bad-english indicated that the price is final, you have to take it, since we already took a shower, and settled in...I really don't mind the place, if there was enough honesty.... to have the guts to call this a 2 star hotel - to have the decency to blame it all on the mistake of the tourism office...and then pretending not to comprehend english....that kindda made me go nuts....to think of it, it was pretty funny that we were actually contemplating to run away in the wee hours...we didn't had the hearts to do it...of course probably she is the kind of person that wakes up at 4am:)

We left after a homemade breakfast (one that was mediocre but was pretty decent - we could see that she was not the homemaker kind of lady) - she was really amazing, I have to admit, she cycled around the world in 26 months, and she shared all kindda tough-crazy experiences....but that aside, doesn't mean that she can just have the right to con us, does she?

hmmm.....in the end...all turned out well...was a memorable short trip.....but if you guys were ever at that place, do think twice before jumping into the pool (which was small - but was great on such a hot summer evening) - just try to ignore the dirty cloudy water....and the overdosage of chlorine....all will be fine:) - p.s. I still love to listen to French language....

will post more photos of the trip

-monaco-

date taken : july 2009
location : monaco

A short day trip to Monaco, which i had high expectations at first, for it is always in my mind that it would somehow be the Palm Beach or Las Vegas of Europe....minus the flamboyance and extravagance.... however....it was definitely a letdown....a small city, so dense yet so lack of spirit....

Of course, the high amount of ports, luxury yachts ....posh cars.... also the continuous flow of helicopters transporting high profile people are overwhelming....however, the city itself doesn't reflect that at all.....it's a city stuck in the 70's... architecture is strictly LeCorbusier's machine metaphor....take no offense...i love LeCorb, but the city is really lack of maintenance......so contradicting with its high class profile.

well.....it's getting really late...to be continued...

-there i go again-

date taken : july 2009
location : gorbia

Here I am, back from a short trip, getting a little sunburnt...there is this torn inside, continuing to poke, taunt me, hurting, little by little....what am i doing here? I wish i could be more ignorant, to be able to just look past the acts of people around me....but what is worse is my weakness to stand up for myself....hurting myself even more, because i allowed myself to be stomped over again and again....

Friends, family and loved ones.....all seemed so far now....and it feels like being in a new place, it is impossible to find even one who could love and share relentlessly....maybe it is too much to ask....too ideal to even imagine it.....I am tired, really tired of the sense of betrayal....really tired of the scent of fakeness...i just want to go home, to where people who knew me all my life, will still care for me, for who i am.....and not for what they can get from me...

Please teach me, how i can stop being this fool....this fool who smiles and laughes even though she is dying inside....this fool who accepts deals that she knows is not to her best benefits....this fool who continues to treat others with decency, even though she feels like ripping their hearts.....what is happening to me?

me, and nobody else

date taken: december 2008



i miss the snow....i miss the calmness....the pureness that screams....IT'S ok to be alone! well....most of all i miss it because IT IS FREAKING HOT now!

-storefronts-

date taken : nov 2007
location : Madrid

Today i wanna puke at the fake smiles....all the pathetic empty words, what difference do they make? just like the storefront displays, void, expressionless...and meaningless.....well, at least mannequins were dressed up in style. Not like a slut, wrapped up in fake jewelries, screaming fashion wannabe......God, please forgive me, i am typing in rage.....so excuse my manners....

betrayal...of all sorts....the kind i hate most...when friends do it to you....drive me nuts.....but why do i never learn? always falling in the same trap...ignoring all signs of warnings...just diving in, with the belief that friends should watch each others' back...

sigh...i can't let one bad seed pollute me, but then...how about many many many? well....some people are just too in love with themselves to even know how to care.....it's all just an act.....the warm words of consolation, the supportive remarks.....nothing but an act.....

-same world, another time, another you, another me-

date taken : july 2009


how great is photoshop? transforming time and place..... my first attempt on heavier post processing work.....and then....got carried away....back in time....from the same photo, cropped and sent back to another time.....

date edited : july 2009

-love (repost)-

date taken : may 2009
by: me


a repost - love conquers all-

-another one bites the dust-

taken: 11 july 2009
model: Valeria



-and there she goes again-

the journey

date taken: july 2009
location: Valmadrera, Italy


the journey ends here,
or is it the beginning?

today i felt a sudden rush of emotions as i stood by the photo assignment of a sweet couple....catholic weddings, which were thought by most people to be too extravagant, in its galore of ceremonies, costumes and rituals. For me however i felt that it was a testament of faith, a new faith, a journey together.....

well....always loved weddings but i must admit that as an Asian girl, even though far away from home, i do face the usual (mid - late 20's blues)...sigh...we are expected to go with the flow, and girls of my age usually are fidgety about marriage (or more likely to the need to be married at the normal age). Here in Italy, what is considered young, is not what it is for us back home....i guess by now most single friends back home are already getting really worried - somehow i sometimes felt that, the worry - is more about the fear of being left out and labeled a black sheep more than the fear of not finding true love (if that exists)..

i couldn't help but wonder (borrowed the infamous phrase of Carrie Bradshaw)...under it all, what does marriage means?

Asian weddings - are of a completely different world in respect of the wedding i attended today...it is somehow depressing to see the meaning of the sacred bonding of 2 people who want to spend their lives together are turned into a 'show', a spectacular gimmick of what marriage is seen as.....in the modern society....

i have seen Chinese / Malay / Indian couples who spent they whole lifesavings to have beautiful albums of wedding photos, in all kind of costumes (you name it)...and then, splurging another big sum for extravagant dinners of 500 guests (minimum)..in large 5 star hotels....and putting on a show for the guests.....what exactly are we trying to justify?

i can understand exactly the feeling of wanting to share.....(if i ever get married) of course i would love to have all my loved ones and friends with me, but that doesn't mean i have to be broke afterwards..

i guess that was why i was overwhelmed by the wedding today...somehow what mattered was the 2 deeply committed people, and the willingness to stand tall to testify their decision.....and then having a good time with loved ones....afterall, it's all that matters, isn't it?

however....many in the end...(if i do get married)....maybe i will unconsciously succumb to it all...who knows?

-standing alone-

date taken : may 2009
location : tuscany

fingers crossed

ever really really wish for something so much that you feel so desperately desperate?
moments like this, i always do something i am not proud off....
i say my prayers and keep my fingers crossed...
don't get me wrong, i am not ashamed to pray...
i am ashamed that i only feel like praying then,
never a religious person....i pray to God in general...
not to God of a religion.....

no, today is not one of those days.....but then nevertheless.....i think i do need to keep my fingers crossed...

her eyes

date taken: 2006
by : me


look deep into those eyes,
reflecting the soul...

-i'll catch you-

this is another of those days where i feel like i wanna curl up and just sleep through life...cold cold feeling inside out, gloomy weather (which i do love)...call myself a drama queen, but i feel this deep obsession for feelings...(i guess something not many people will discover unless they really know me)....some time ago, someone told me..he was shocked when he read this blog, it's the complete contradiction with the cheerful person he knew....well...if you cannot be happy, probably pretending to be is the best way (sometimes you can even convince yourself)....life is a stage anyway, so why not spare others the discomfort of facing the sulker?

my earlier blog entry was written during breakfast.....after reading emails...and suddenly realised how alone i am....i have always loved being alone, but this one time, i felt, i am not only alone, even 'i' abandoned 'me'

now, lunch time, spirits are lifted a little after a hearty meal...one thing that never abandons me, my appetite....but most of all, the one video that will always lift me up through my bad times....did it job again.....it's like the antidote to my earlier blog - who will - i will -

just wanna share this, a video of my favourite song for as long as i could remember....just because it contains so many memories....loved ones....i never understood how one song could accompany me and sum up so many moments...but this one did...and still will....

from what i consider as the best indie bands ever...The Get Up Kids....

-i'll catch you-

Can you sleep as the sound hits your ears
One at a time?
An unspoken balance here
Unabridged for so many years
That I should stare at receivers to receive her
Isn't fair

Don't worry, I'll catch you
Don't worry, I'll catch you
Don't ever worry

Your arms in mine, any time
I wouldn't trade anything
You're still my everything
To my surprise, before me eyes
You arrive

Don't worry, I'll catch you
Don't worry, I'll catch you
Don't ever worry

Still breaking old habits
Habits
You pulled the wool over me
And I can see everything
Everything
Remembering "Jinx Removing"

No need for reminding
You're still all that matters to me

-who will-

date taken : february 2009
location: venice



who will catch me when i fall?
who will love me when i no longer stand tall?

as i peel off these masks...
layer by layer,
i couldn't help but wonder,
what have i done?
i am the murderer of me...

will you still look at my bloodstained hands,
and still love me?

the cross

date taken: march 2009
location : sicily


miracles...
do they exist?
faith...
is it real?
or a make belief?
i chose to trust
in something larger than life...
may it be God,
or a reinterpretation of existence..
for i refused to be lost
in a meaningless sea of emptiness..
or an ocean of doubts.

-why-

date taken: november 2007
location : barcelona



why are we here?
for a purpose....but what purpose?
here and there
now and then
what is the reason to be?
i wonder....and continue to wonder.....
there has to be a reason...
pieces of puzzles to put together
words to rhyme..

please tell me it's true...
i couldn't bear
accidental coincidences...
a true dreamer...
holding on to a fantasy...
or just for a reassurance
that this is not all..

no son of mine

date taken:may 2009
location:tuscany


a song came to my mind today,
you know, the kind that haunts you once it touches you...
i haven't heard this song for a long time but remembered how it reaches out to me at that time...
here it is, a song about abuse and growing up......a classic Phil Collins song...

Well the key to my survival
was never in much doubt
the question was how I could keep sane
trying to find a way out

Things were never easy for me
peace of mind was hard to find
and I needed a place where I could hide
somewhere I could call mine

I didn't think much about it
til it started happening all the time
soon I was living with the fear everyday
of what might happen that night

I couldn't stand to hear the
crying of my mother
and I remember when
I swore that, that would be the
Last they'd see of me
And I never went home again....

-a sense of age-

date taken:2006
by : me
model : salina long

i spent hours after hours today,
going through old photos...
reminiscing good times,
regretting the many many incidents
where i didn't answer to what my heart wanted....

is that how it feels when we get older?
that we no longer look forward but continue to look back,
to smile at sweet memories,
weep at sad ones...
reliving everything over and over again....

is this just one of those phases...
or will it be like this from now on?
i do fear.....i do fear growing older...
most of all....i fear being obsolete....

-choices-

date taken: june 2009
location : brescia, italy


everyday.....we have decisions to make...
choices to take....

-that look-

date taken : april 2009
model : Federica


missing winter....missing spring...
today is one of those days....i looked again at some old photos....and how lovely to be reminded of, the coolness of spring....the numbness of winter....

-grains-

date taken :june 2009
location: verona


lights...
illuminating...