-blinded-

-he who sees with his eyes is blind-plato

-my prayer-

date taken : june 2009



-please give me strength, please, so i can go on-

-pieces of me-

date taken : april 2009

sick and tired of writing depressive stuff....pity my poor diary, nowhere to run, no where to hide...so....though i still feel like shit....just gonna sleep and then wake up to the lovely sunshine....to count the days when i will be home again....to a safe place...where i know i have friends who care....who really care...so i can look at myself in the mirror and feel no shame...

so....tomorrow's saturday....a day not for mourning...a day for simple bliss....gonna let this sick soul of mine take a break....

until then, maybe i should no longer write here....just simple photos, photos that can be judged with on a simple basis (like / dislike) .... no more words...just photos....til i heal...

-a song for the day-

a song that i've always loved....


-the ataris-


only two more days untill your birthday
Yeah yesterday was mine you'll be turning five
I know what it's like growing up
without your father in your life

so I pretend I'm doing all I can
and I hope someday you'll find it in your heart
to understand why I'm not arround
and forgive me for not being in your life

I remember waiting for you to come
remember waiting for you to call
remember waiting and not find a thing at all

I hope I get that chance to make it up to you
We got a lot of catching up to do

so I pretend I'm doing all I can
and I hope someday you'll find it in your heart
to understand why I'm not arround
and forgive me for not being in your life

I remember waiting for you to come
remember waiting for you to call
remember waiting and not find a thing at all

forgive me
I'm so sorry
I will make it up to you...

-goodbye dreams-

date taken : june 2009




so long my dreams,
a new chapter has begun....
it hurts now
but i know i am doing what's right...
and somehow i will make it
letting go isn't easy,
especially when it's a part of me...
but eventually i'll be fine
i'll be able to laugh at myself
for my naive fantasies...

for now, the pain will make me real
no more dreams,
i'll bid goodbye with a smile.

the sad reality

rest in peace....the truth is, life goes on...bitter as it may be, it's true....

date taken : august 2009
location : berlin

i felt very sad when i found this little creature lying dead on the street,
however i guess that's life...
my state of mind today is just jumping from depressed,
to hopeful..
anger to pure pain.....
symptoms of what life is....and i am not complaining...
but i can't help but wish for the roller coaster ride to be over...
maybe this poor soul is smiling right now...

-my life-

This blog was meant for me to vent..i guess...sadly to say, it's my only companion...minus the fact that maybe the server could be down or that internet's gone, i guess it's pretty reliable...at least a place i could feel safe for a while...

How could life get so out of hand? It's really a joke.....ever been in a situation where you took for granted or were in denial for a long time....sometimes even try your best to be cruel and mean just to run away from confrontations, not with someone else.....but with yourself.. The path seemed so crooked and difficult....and then one morning...you wake up..and realised that it was YOU that created all the drama...and that you wanted nothing more than what you already had.....

You put down your shield....you let yourself be weak...you let yourself care....and then life plays its cruel joke on you....and you are 2 steps back again....feeling like a total fool...for believing that miracles do happen, that you do have someone you can trust...who's kidding who? This is a dog eat dog world...the strong survives....and i will work hard....to be strong again....this little voice inside...the one begging to be loved....is gone....gone for good...i have noone but myself....and it's not really so bad....

I will wake up one day, and this emotional nightmare will be gone....until then, i'll shed my tears in the dark, face my fears alone....mourn my mistakes on my own...for I only have me....and my blog:)

-you get what you ask for-

there is a price to pay
for every action,
every move,
and sometimes it is more than you have bargained for.

it's easy to love what you want
but why is it so difficult to love what you have?
give me a heart of steel
so i can no longer feel.

-post processing-

date taken : june 2009
location : verona

Using photoshop sometimes can really get out of hand...sometimes for the better, sometimes for worse. I always have the problem of being spontaneous and unorganised, and that's influenced me in many aspects of my life....even like when i am using photoshop. Trial and error...and the refusal and stubborness to follow tutorials and conventional techniques gave me a lot of headache sometimes. Like this photo, i liked the photo in the end, for the original photo lack of a certain sense of movement, and drama.....

How did i get to this.....well....i didn't know:( That's the perks of being rebellious i guess....

-flying high-

date taken : august 2009
location : sony center, berlin

-faces from Berlin-

date taken : august 2009
location : berlin


-beautiful faces from Berlin-

cover girl

date taken : august 2009
location : berlin

can't help myself...people watching is still what i like best....capturing the spontaneous characters of people everywhere really give me the kicks....i am not always able to do it, for sometimes it seems rude, sometimes i am shy to approach someone...many times i really wanna walk up and ask if i could take a photo but never found the guts...so i am trying to perfect the skill of casual shots of people and places, places and people.....

this one i like for its ability to make everything else seemed frozen in time, capturing real scenario like a planned scheme....well...Berlin is diverse...i really enjoyed just sitting by a cafe, by the park....watching people......sounds like a freak?

-drama in play-

date taken : august 2009
location : berlin

first post on Berlin.....the city where historical and contemporary languages merge. Due to the fact i didn't prepare much for this trip, i was able to see the city as it unfolds in front of me...without expectations...

such a strange sensation...to be surrounded by so many different kinds of characters....from the ultra modern city, to the laid back riverfronts....and then again to the seriousness of the historical context....back to the richness of the cultural movements...and then again chanced upon the diverse intensity of the people....back and forth..back and forth...

as i looked back at the photos, i made up my mind to write more on the architectural routes that i accidentally followed....in search of the basis created by great architects and planners....from Aldo Rossi to Mies Van der Rohe, from Renzo Piano to Frank Gehry....from Jean Nouvel to Daniel Libeskind....and the list goes on and on and on......

coming soon...

-an Architectural Enlightenment-

date taken : august 2009
location : berlin


one week of break, with tonnes of photographs...memories...shall really work on posting blogs on this trip.....for now, just gonna unpack....and unwind..

-one memorable encounter-

date taken : 2005
location : north Chiangmai, Thailand

i will never forget this moment in time when i snapped this photo....such a beautiful smile despite the hard life, such determination despite all the shortcomings....this photo is my personal reminder....to kick myself when dissatisfaction rules all rational, when i feel life is unjust.....one look at this beautiful smile, to shame myself for all the complaints and whines....

always remember.....love is patient, love is kind, love endures all.....

thought for the day

they say before you die
your whole life flashes before your eyes

make it worth watching...

rustic

date taken : april 2009

-this time imperfect-afi

I cannot leave here, I cannot stay
Forever haunted, more than afraid
Asphyxiate on words I would say
I'm drawn to a blackened sky
As I turn blue

There are no flowers
No, not this time
There will be no angels
Gracing the lines
Just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile
But I'm too weak
I'd share with you
Could I only speak
Just how much this hurts me

I cannot stay here, I cannot leave
Just like all I loved
I'm make believe
Imagined heart, I disappear
Seems no one will appear here
And make me real

There are no flowers
No, not this time
There'll be no angels
Gracing the lines
Just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile
But I'm too weak
I'd share with you
Could I only speak
Just how much this hurts me

I'd tell you how it haunts me
I'd tell you how it haunts me
Cuts through my day
And sinks into my dreams
I'd tell you how it haunts me
Cuts through my day
And sinks into my dreams
You don't care that it haunts me

There are no flowers
No, not this time
There'll be no angels
Gracing the lines
Just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile
But I'm too weak
I'd share with you
Could I only speak
Just how much this hurts me
Just how much this hurts me
Just how much you...

we're so far away - mae

this beautiful used to make me really emotional...
today, it did it's magic again..that's what music is about...
it's not about what's good, what's bad, what's new, what's old..
it brings back memories, words that feel so close to our hearts...
as long as you feel that, that's good music, no matter how crappy it may seem...

my share for the day...

-i've got a secret-

date taken : july 2009


children,
they understand more than you and me
they know what matters more....do you?

-obsession-

date taken : june 2009




obsession...

Obsession to obsess...looking up at the dictionary, obsession is defined as a compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion. It hits me hard on the face, yes, indeed unreasonable i am, yes, indeed overly emotional i am. What's gotten into me? Today i felt this sense of loss so deep that i felt scared...like a piece of me had been chopped off. It's like an artist who treasures the beauty around him so intensively, and woke up one day with a color blindness. Or a dancer who is no longer able to understand the rhythm and beat of the music.... even a poet, who forgot how to read and write...

i cried, in fear....

-worn out-

date taken : april 2009
location : Milan, Italy

- worn out -
stop for a moment
to look at the faces around you
see how weary she is
how life has worn her out
there is a stubborn willfulness
a struggle to not give in
so there she was,
if only you would give a damn...

-adopt me-

date taken : april 2009
location : Milan, Italy

found this cute photo today....taken from the Saloni Mobile this year in Milan, the design week which showcased the up and coming designs and of course designers. Some were strange, some cool, this one, cute...

This photo was taken inside the showcase of Domestic (www.domestic.fr), i love the graphics, especially the funky wall drawings and simple elements introduced that make spatial functions a more pleasant one...somehow i like the way each and every design seemed rather personal, seemed customised for each different kind of user....(well, maybe especially for more chic and trendy styles) - for i don't think it has a classical breath to its style....

well...a refreshing start for the day...

-peace-

date taken : june 2009

a peaceful place
for silent thoughts
a sensation so blissful
for the restless soul