Karl lagerfeld said:

"The best idea is always very basic and very stupid"

-

ever felt a feeling so strong, where every single cell screams that something really is bad is going to happen?

spasms of uneasiness, waves after waves of panic...

-back to square one-

it's 3 whole months since i've written anything....

same old same old....lack of willpower....basically succumbing to any damn thing that's distracting...there is always some excuse....

that's life......and then there's reality...which is my working life.....

and that there is the betrayal.....it's amazing how the best things in life never ever last....well, you love them so much simply because you think it's the only that will last...for an eternity.....despite your screaming instincts to wake up...you dreamed on....and on and on...

well....today is the day i wake up...to the sounds of my own screaming....it's true after all, nothing lasts.....with this, i'll just say goodbye to the dreams.....welcoming the nightmares with open arms, at least i know for sure, it is not going to be easy...

-an odd sensation-

so far so good.....i can barely contain my excitement of being back in Italy again...the flight was perfect....all was great.....

weather is great and everything so colorful.....however....my body is reacting like its totally confused....suddenly cold, suddenly too hot....sigh...gonna get past this phase soon...

so this time around, i vowed to be completely touristy....to see everything with an open mind, and not feel like i will be around forever, so no hurry to capture the moment with my eyes or camera....God knows when i will be back again:(

its sweet to be back....however its only my second day back and i cant help but feel the odd sensation of incompetence....its always like this, why am i afraid to meet the eye of the lady who casts her suspicious glances from across the train? why do i feel like an invader? why do i feel ashamed when i cant reply questions? why do i fumble and panic when they check my i.d?

same old feeling of inferiority....but at the same time, enjoying being different....i would be lying if i say that i dont enjoy the curious looks and the harmless chatters from strangers.....

i meant to post some photos.....however realised that i cant find my card reader...well, will save that for later.....

april

its april....how could it be?

saturday afternoon.....stuck in office as the world rotates round and round....not that i am complaining...i do love every second of my job....as long as i don't get burn out....

however...i think chances are slim that i will be burnt out soon....a couple more days and i am outta here....time really do fly....when i booked my fight it seemed like i have to wait for an eternity for my trip.....now....it's here....and sigh...so many things i wished to do before leaving...but as usual...didn't materialise....due to 1. my lack of discipline 2. my bad time management skills

so....Italy....here i am...returning with a vengeance.....i am gonna appreciate this trip more than i ever did....for i know after this...would be really hard for me to just take off......

again....i am counting my blessings...not many people can just leave for 4 weeks....to the land of sunshine (i dont mean Malaysia)....spring.....finally i'll see those sunflower fields again:)

empty...again

date taken : march 2010
location: ipoh, perak

today.....i turned 27.....i want it to be as low key as possible....somehow i feel a big rock upon my shoulder...what it is, i dont know....just a sense of restlessness...nonetheless i thank God for allowing me to me where i am now today.....

this photo is taken from my hometown....a timeless sense of stillness.....waiting to be discovered...

-s.l.o.w-

date taken : january 2010
location : ipoh